Stopping Kids from Whining Every Time They Get a "No"

I have two scenarios for you, both of which we've probably all observed 1000 times.

Scenario 1: The parents say to the young child, "It's time to go." And the child immediately starts crying and whining, successfully delaying the departure either because the parent-child battle goes back and forth for a long while or because the parent gives in and lets the child stay longer.

Scenario 2: The child asks for something. The parent says no. The child makes multiple arguments (invariably in a whiny tone), gets no multiple times, and then finally succeeds in wearing down the parent enough that the parent exasperatedly says yes, mostly just to get rid of the annoying pestering. And then the parent complains about their kids' pestering and unwillingness to just take no for an answer.

The solution: la cadre. I read about this in a great book, Bringing Up Bebe. Cadre is French for "frame." The principle is this: parents need to be as liberal and apt to say yes as possible, but the parent also lays out the rules and is absolutely strict on them. In other words, make the frame as large as your child's level of maturity can possibly allow, but hold absolutely firm on not allowing them to cross that frame. Apparently this is a thing in France.

When you do this, the first benefit is that it eliminates all the arguing and pestering because the child soon learns that arguing will get them absolutely nowhere because your answer will not change, worlds without end. But you have to make absolutely sure that the best answer is "no" before you give it, otherwise you'll be stuck enforcing something that was unnecessarily strict. Thus the recommendation to be apt to say yes as much as is reasonable.

The second benefit is that your child will come to trust your words. She will know that when you speak to her, you mean what you say, and it won't change on a whim. This is so comforting for a child--it gives her world order. And it's crucial to any stable parent-child relationship. So set your cadre and watch how your kids respond!

P.S. Empty threats are lies. LIES. They undermine trust. Never ever use them; your kid has to know that if you say you'll give her a punishment for doing something, you ABSOLUTELY will follow through on it.